But you can't beat this guy!
Monday, October 3, 2016
Thursday, January 28, 2016
No Jobs In Heaven
Bill Gates: How's things in heaven, Steve?
Steve Job: Just great. There are no walls and fences in Heaven. So no gates needed. Sorry, Bill, no offence.
Gates: None taken, Steve. No worries. Hey, I heard that nobody works in Heaven. So there is no Job there?
Steve: Well, there are still jobs. Just that they are no pay jobs. You know, there are no Bills ti pay in Heaven.
Steve Job: Just great. There are no walls and fences in Heaven. So no gates needed. Sorry, Bill, no offence.
Gates: None taken, Steve. No worries. Hey, I heard that nobody works in Heaven. So there is no Job there?
Steve: Well, there are still jobs. Just that they are no pay jobs. You know, there are no Bills ti pay in Heaven.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Great Comeback
A drunk retorted,"I can't bear fool!"
Dorothy Parker replied,"Apparently, your mother can!"
Man - "Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me any suggestions as to how to get started?"
Mozart - "A symphony is a very complex music form. Perhaps, you should start with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony."
Man - "But Herr Mozart, you have been writing symphonies when you were eight years old."
Mozart - "Yes, but I didn't ask anybody how."
Noel Coward,"Edna, you look almost like a man."
Edna Ferber,"So do you."
Clay,"I rather be right than be the president."
Reed,"The gentleman need not trouble himself. He will never be either."
Reporter: What do you think about Western Civilisation?
Ghandi: I think it would be a good idea.
I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?
I am glad you like it. Who read it to you?
"Mr Churchill, must you fall asleep when I am speaking?"
"No, it is purely voluntary."
Dorothy Parker replied,"Apparently, your mother can!"
Man - "Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me any suggestions as to how to get started?"
Mozart - "A symphony is a very complex music form. Perhaps, you should start with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony."
Man - "But Herr Mozart, you have been writing symphonies when you were eight years old."
Mozart - "Yes, but I didn't ask anybody how."
Noel Coward,"Edna, you look almost like a man."
Edna Ferber,"So do you."
Clay,"I rather be right than be the president."
Reed,"The gentleman need not trouble himself. He will never be either."
Reporter: What do you think about Western Civilisation?
Ghandi: I think it would be a good idea.
I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?
I am glad you like it. Who read it to you?
"Mr Churchill, must you fall asleep when I am speaking?"
"No, it is purely voluntary."
Friday, October 2, 2015
The Debate
This is an old joke but it is worth repeating.
Many centuries ago, the pope decreed that all Jews in Italy had to convert their faith or leave the country. Of course, there was much outcry from the Jewish community. The pope relented and proposed a four eyes only debate with the Jew's highest religious authority, hoping to convince the Jews to convert. The Jews agreed but cunningly picked an old rabbi who only spoke Yiddish.
The pope was not deterred although he could not speak Yiddish and arranged for the debate behind closed doors.
They were hardly inside for a few minutes when an aspen-faced pope emerged from the room.
He quietly announced that the Jews could stay in Italy.
The cardinals were shocked and asked the pope what had happened.
The pope said, “I started by waving my hand to show that God is all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us."
"Then I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. The rabbi quickly responded by waving one finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. I pulled out the wine and wafer, to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. It was then that I knew that rabbi is wise and I could not continue with the debate.”
Meanwhile, the elated Jews gathered around the rabbi o find out how he had won.
“I do not know,” said the baffled rabbi. “First, he said all the Jews must leave the country but I insisted that we will stay put. Then he told me that we had three days to convert our faith or get out of Italy, so I gave him the middle finger. That was it!”
“And then what happened?” asked a woman breathlessly .
The rabbi replied, “Well, he took out his lunch, so I took out mine. Funny that he left the room without eating....”
Many centuries ago, the pope decreed that all Jews in Italy had to convert their faith or leave the country. Of course, there was much outcry from the Jewish community. The pope relented and proposed a four eyes only debate with the Jew's highest religious authority, hoping to convince the Jews to convert. The Jews agreed but cunningly picked an old rabbi who only spoke Yiddish.
The pope was not deterred although he could not speak Yiddish and arranged for the debate behind closed doors.
They were hardly inside for a few minutes when an aspen-faced pope emerged from the room.
He quietly announced that the Jews could stay in Italy.
The cardinals were shocked and asked the pope what had happened.
The pope said, “I started by waving my hand to show that God is all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us."
"Then I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. The rabbi quickly responded by waving one finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. I pulled out the wine and wafer, to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. It was then that I knew that rabbi is wise and I could not continue with the debate.”
Meanwhile, the elated Jews gathered around the rabbi o find out how he had won.
“I do not know,” said the baffled rabbi. “First, he said all the Jews must leave the country but I insisted that we will stay put. Then he told me that we had three days to convert our faith or get out of Italy, so I gave him the middle finger. That was it!”
“And then what happened?” asked a woman breathlessly .
The rabbi replied, “Well, he took out his lunch, so I took out mine. Funny that he left the room without eating....”
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Butthead
The brain is justifiably proud. He guides the rest on what to do. The muscle is not happy. He is always doing all the work. One day, they quarrel on who should be the leader. The butt is fed up with the petty arguing. So he stops working. A few days pass. The muscle is weaken and the brain is woozy because shit is accumulating. So they beg the butt to be the leader. So now you know why the arsehole is always the leader.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
What Would You Like For Dinner?
Man: Where would you like to go for dinner? Any preference?
Woman: No, anything will do.
Man: OK, Let's go for Japanese food.
Woman: Oh, no. I just had that for lunch yesterday.
Man: What about Chinese food?
Woman: No, I don't fancy that.
Man: Let's try the new Korean BBQ.
Woman: I just washed my hair. It will make my hair smell of smoke.
Man: That leave good old western fare then.
Woman: No, let's try something else.
Man: So, what do you want to eat?
Woman: Anything.
Man: ........
(This is not exactly a joke. That is my experience with more than one woman.)
Woman: No, anything will do.
Man: OK, Let's go for Japanese food.
Woman: Oh, no. I just had that for lunch yesterday.
Man: What about Chinese food?
Woman: No, I don't fancy that.
Man: Let's try the new Korean BBQ.
Woman: I just washed my hair. It will make my hair smell of smoke.
Man: That leave good old western fare then.
Woman: No, let's try something else.
Man: So, what do you want to eat?
Woman: Anything.
Man: ........
(This is not exactly a joke. That is my experience with more than one woman.)
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