Butthead

The brain is justifiably proud. He guides the rest on what to do. The muscle is not happy. He is always doing all the work. One day, they quarrel on who should be the leader. The butt is fed up with the petty arguing. So he stops working. A few days pass. The muscle is weaken and the brain is woozy because shit is accumulating. So they beg the butt to be the leader. So now you know why the arsehole is always the leader.

What Would You Like For Dinner?

Man: Where would you like to go for dinner? Any preference?

Woman: No, anything will do.

Man: OK, Let's go for Japanese food.

Woman: Oh, no. I just had that for lunch yesterday.

Man: What about Chinese food?

Woman: No, I don't fancy that.

Man: Let's try the new Korean BBQ.

Woman: I just washed my hair. It will make my hair smell of smoke.

Man: That leave good old western fare then.

Woman: No, let's try something else.

Man: So, what do you want to eat?

Woman: Anything.

Man: ........

(This is not exactly a joke. That is my experience with more than one woman.) 

The Intelligent Man

God created Adam and Eve.  He gave Adam a brain to allow him to be smart, creative and to hold intelligent conversations with Eve. He also gave Adam the organ for reproduction, so that his offspring can populate the whole Earth. Adam and Eve were very happy. However, God took Eve aside to give her the bad news. God said, “Eve, you must know that I only created Adam with enough blood to use either his brain or penis, one at a time."

Who's The Lunatic?

This is from the supposedly true account of an author/ researcher who studied lunatics in China.

The woman squatted for hours under an umbrella, staring at the ground. Nobody has been able to get her to speak. Nobody understand what is wrong with her.
A researcher decided to gain empathy by doing the same thing. He squatted beside her, under an umbrella for 10 days, before she noticed him.
The first words she uttered was,"Hey, are you a mushroom too?"

Bar Squabble

Two tough guys are drinking at a bar. The older man starts to insult the younger man.
He yelled,"I slept with your mother!"
The bar was deadly silent everyone held their breathe and waited to see what the other man will do.
The older tough yelled again,"I said I slept with your mother!"
The other man finally sighed and said,"Time to go home dad. You are drunk."

Hole In The Fence

A man was walking beside a tall wooden fence. He can hear a group of people chanting, "Fifteen! Fifteen! Fifteen!" His curiousity was piqued. He saw a hole in the fence and bent over to peek. A finger stabbed him in the eye. Immediately, the chanting rose an octave and changed to,"Sixteen! Sixteen! Sixteen!"

Bad Jokes

A man was seen with six children in tow.
A man walked into a store with six children in tow.
The store owner asked, "These kids are all yours?"
The man replies, "Nope, these are customer complaints. I work in a condom factory."
A young boy asks his father, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Father said,"Well, you are my son, I am very confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, now, that is confidential!"